Hi Monica,

We hear that you are not getting out much, so what are you doing the weekend of April 24-26 ? If you're not expected to attend any court hearings how about visiting us here in Vienna, Austria to attend the Vindobona Hash house Harriers 777 run, a.k.a. the Monica Lewinsky appreciation run. We have organised this run to honour you for your services to the world of hashing and I'm sure you'll find the weekend a blast (or maybe even a blow).

You may be asking yourself what is this all about and why should I be honoured. Well, Mr. President Bill Clinton is a personal friend of ours and any friend of his is, as they say, a friend of ours. We feel that whatever did or didn't happen, it warrants recognition and thus invite you to relax at our weekend of drunkenness and debauchery. We also need you to present the prizes at the zipper competition (more of which later).

What will this cost me you are no doubt asking. I can inform you now - nothing. Since you are one of the guests of honour we will provide you with all you can eat and drink for the whole weekend, and if you are short of a few bob we can offer crash space (bring your own sleeping bag). Normally crash space is allocated on a first come basis but for you we guarantee a reserved place at a salubrious (currently secret) location in Vienna. Unfortunately due to technical reasons we will be unable to reimburse your travelling costs but we are reliably informed that a fellow Washingtonian is also attending and since he usually has ample free space in his aircraft, we could put you in contact and you could hitch a ride so to speak.

So what is going to happen ? Friday night we meet to drink and eat the only Kangaroos in Austria. You will be introduced to your crash space host (if you choose this option) and will be presented with a mega-multi-super-goodie bag, no doubt containing a rubber should you strike it lucky. Saturday will involve a short run, which as other visitors have been informed, will be of a non-technical shortish nature. I know, I know, I know that you may have already heard about Vindobona runs lasting five or six hours, even days, but I can assure you that due to appropriate psychological help (and threats of broken legs) we have cured (almost all) of our hares (technical term meaning fool getting lost and dribbling flour whilst trying to find the way home) desires to impress with mega runs. I cannot, however, guarantee one hundred percent that this will not happen again since incompetence and stupidity are factors beyond our control.

Saturday night will involve partying until the early hours, and should you wish to, you may take a swim, usually done naked, in our own private lake centrally located in Vienna. The partying will be interrupted by special events, some of which I am not at liberty to mention now, but one of which (already mentioned above) you play a central role. The zipper contest. You will be required to present prizes to the zipper queen (or king (or maybe that should be queen or Queen)). You are of course not excluded from taking part in the competition yourself, but you can imagine it might be a little embarrassing presenting the prize to yourself (and we feel less experienced people should be given the chance of glory).

So how about it Mon ? Great time guaranteed , cheap weekend and a chance to meet some old friends and make it with new ones. Fill out that registration form and send it off NOW !

Regards

Mind the Gap (Grand Master, the boss)