Dear Mr President,

Or may I call you Bill ? As Grand Master of the Vindobona hash House Harriers I wish to formally invite you to the Bill Clinton appreciation run to be held in Vienna, Austria on the weekend of the 24-26 April 1998. You may be asking why me. Well, we are organizing this weekend to honour you for your services to the world of Hashing.

Like you, we are into a combination of jogging and drunken debauchery, ocassionally combined with some nookie, but as you already have a hash name (Slick Willy) you know all about that.

I enclose for your perusal details of the events that will take place on said weekend and a registration form. For your convenience we have partially filled in some of the form as we know you are a busy man and do not wish to take too much of your time. You will notice that if you require, crash space is available to those who do not want to stay in the hotel. Normally this is on a first come first served basis, but as you are the guest of honour we will reserve for you a number of guaranteed places. I would be grateful if you would inform me of the number of places required for your entourage.

If you do not require any crash space we will raffle it off as the space Bill would have crashed in if he had crashed if you know what I mean.

Bill I have to warn you that our weekends can get a little wild so you may want to leave Chelsea at home with her Mom. Tell Hillary not to worry (too much); we'll get you back to the airport for your flight home.

We hope to have some of your old friends here, I won't tell you who so it's a surprise, plus a number of U.S expats, admittedly mainly tax evaders, but an interesting lot all the same. Don't worry about the running either. We promise it will not be technically difficult or overly demanding, and if you do have performance problems there will be plenty of fellow Hashers who will show you the art of being a SCB (short cutting person).

Please note that, contrary to your usual public appearances, we will not be able to reimburse you your travelling or hotel costs but will provide you with all you can drink for the whole weekend. Note that nobody else will be offered this so fill out that registration form now and send it off a.s.a.p.

Apropos travelling, if you require help with getting parking space for Air Force One at Schwechat airport tell us in advance as we have some contacts there and we could probably get you a good deal. Save the American tax payer a few Dollars - always worth a few votes when you need them.

Bill with so much on offer how could you not immediately register and send off your registration fee (possibly tax deductable - just pretend you are visiting Kurt Waldheim on government related business !) post haste ? We look forward to hearing from you and hope, indeed expect, to see you in April.

Regards

Mind the Gap (Grand Master, bit like president)